When relationships start becoming mine and yours, then start with 'we' and 'ours'

Today in this article, we are going to answer the questions that come in the mind of common people like you through expert senior psychiatrist Dr. Sameer Parikh and marriage counselor Geetanjali Sharma. You can connect these to your relationship and solve the knots in your relationship and make a relationship of 'we and ours' instead of 'mine and yours'. Let's read what the experts say.

Question 1 – In any relationship, especially love relationship, how do we decide when we should compromise in the relationship and when we should take a decision?

The relationship of husband and wife or love affair should be such that there is no question of drawing any boundary line in it. The truth is that every person's personality is different. Therefore, the boundaries should also be different. You have to decide for yourself how much freedom to give, how much freedom to give and where to take a stand? You will have to find the answers to all these questions yourself. Still, some things can be kept in mind.

What does it mean to take a stand

First of all, it is important to understand the meaning of taking a stand. This usually happens when one of the partners is cheating or his nature has changed, things are being hidden and lies are being told when asked and this is being said repeatedly. If one partner emotionally harasses the other partner, says such things to him/her that lower the confidence of the other, fights a lot, repeatedly finds faults and if one of the partners resorts to violence or abuse, i.e. starts domestic violence, then there should be talk of taking a stand. Although this kind of behavior should not happen even once, but when it starts happening repeatedly, then it is important to take a stand.

The issue of finance is also important

Apart from these, finance is also a similar issue. Many times boys or girls also do not want to give their partner a share in their earnings while they consider themselves to have full rights over their partner's money. If the problem is arising due to money, then this is also a big issue. If a partner repeatedly threatens divorce, threatens to run away from home, then there is a need to think. First, there should be an attempt to solve the problem through conversation and then counseling. If even then the matter does not work out, then one should try to reach a decision.

Question 2- My mother-in-law keeps finding faults in me every day. My husband also does not support me. What should I do?

No one would like to hear anything against their parents, be it a husband or a wife. They probably know about their mother and what are her mistakes. Maybe that is why your husband also does not want to talk about his mother. But this does not mean that your mother-in-law is doing the right thing or that your husband's behavior can be justified. Both your mother-in-law and husband should understand that when a woman's mistakes are pointed out repeatedly, she will feel insecure. She will feel that no matter what she does, her work will not be appreciated. She will also feel that their only motive is to humiliate the daughter-in-law. Which is not right for the family environment.

Recommend not to order

It is not that one should not point out the wrong things or give suggestions where there is scope for improvement. What I mean to say is that suggestions should be given as suggestions and not as orders. If a person is finding faults in another person, then it is his responsibility to praise the other person's work at least 5 times. The husband should understand that he is like a bridge between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Both have to be kept together, so he should maintain a balance.

Husband should compromise like this

If the wife is repeatedly saying something to her husband, then pay attention to it. Explain to your mother that this is not the time of 40 or 45 years ago, when you were the daughter-in-law. Things have changed. Thinking has changed. The generation has changed. You should change your thinking. Similarly, talk to the wife that mother is of old thinking. It is not possible to change completely, I have talked to her. If you want, you can make some compromise. If the husband wants, he can also say that both of you are the most important for me. If both of you are sad, then how can I be happy? Do both of you want to see me sad!

Question 3- The daughter-in-law shouts very loudly on every small matter, even the son does not pay attention. Is there any way to make her understand?

Such situations are seen in many houses. Sometimes not only the daughter-in-law but also the son starts getting irritated by the presence of his mother in the house. Perhaps that is why the number of elderly people in old age homes is continuously increasing, which is not a good situation. If a daughter-in-law shouts at her mother-in-law, it cannot be termed as right. By the way, one should not shout at children either. Mother-in-law is elder in age as well as in relation. The mother-in-law should ask her daughter-in-law, what is it that you are angry about? Am I doing something wrong that is causing you pain? If there is something that I can change, then I will try to change it.

Many times the mother-in-law is proud of the fact that she has a lot of experience. Many times the mother-in-law feels that when she was a daughter-in-law, she used to do a lot of household work. There was no help in the house during her time. In such a situation, she should understand that earlier times were different and today's time is different. Apart from this, everyone's work capacity and habits are also different. Therefore, comparison should not be made. Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should be compromising. However, shouting is absolutely wrong. In many places, the same situation can happen between wife and husband. The wife also starts finding faults in the household work done by the husband in the same way or the husband starts finding faults in his wife's work again and again. This leads to a bad phase in the relationship between husband and wife.

Question 4- My husband keeps finding faults in the food I cook everyday, but the rest of the family likes the same food. My in-laws also like the same food. I am upset with this. I don't understand what to do?

Finding faults in the work of others is the nature of almost every person. They like their own work and find others' work useless. Your husband is also probably suffering from the same thinking. By the way, the good thing is that your in-laws are with you. In such a situation, you can talk to your in-laws about this. Also ask your husband what he likes, I should cook food in that way.

If that still doesn't work, ask them to cook for you for a few days. Ask them to teach you how to cook. Maybe things will change after that. Maybe they will realize their mistake. It is true that many people associate cooking with women's identity, but the reality is that no work should be associated with gender.

Question 5- I earn around 50 thousand rupees every month. I think a middle class family can afford the expenses of 3-4 people with this much income. But my wife and my father feel that this is not enough. Because of this I have to face taunts. What should I do?

You are right that 50 thousand rupees are enough for the expenses of a small family. Many people earn even less than this and are happy with it. Many people earn more than this, but still remain unhappy because their expenses are high. If your family's expenses are also high, then it is possible that this income may seem less to you. If someone in the family feels that this income is less, then he should also try to earn money himself. As far as taunting is concerned, this should never happen. Sometimes one can joke, but the words should not be such that it hurts anyone. It is not right to taunt a person who earns money by working hard every day. Yes, one should definitely think about the progress of the family.

Question 6- I suspect that my husband may be having an affair. Whenever I ask him about it, he laughs it off. How do I find out?

If there is a specific reason to suspect, then there is evidence such as if there has been a big change in his behavior or the way he cares for you, he gets angry at you more than before, he stays away from you or wants to stay away, he finds excuses not to come home. Any of these things should be a major basis for you to suspect your husband or for a husband to suspect his wife.

Sometimes we think too much, keep thinking only negatively and develop doubts. It may be just your misunderstanding, because in most cases it is just a misunderstanding. It may also be that he feels that you are doubting him without any reason. Maybe that is why he laughs it off. Sometimes things are going well, but we spoil things by sowing seeds of doubt in the relationship. For now, you should trust him.